Part of what makes pregnancy such a special time is imagining a life full of joy beyond measure with a new little person in it. We do our best to dream, plan, and prepare, but there is no way to predict how motherhood will affect us until we’re living it.
A maelstrom of heightened emotions and changing hormones coupled with new mom exhaustion and, all too often, a sense of isolation can make sanity feel elusive. Though you might encounter unexpected challenges with your growing family, you’ll also find yourself changing in amazing ways.
Motherhood can be a monumental life shift.
Like pregnancy and delivery, parenting is different for everyone, and we all adjust to our roles in different ways. Some days you may feel buried under the weight of responsibilities; other days your heart may overflow with love and happiness; still other days you may be thrilled just to feel like the “World’s Okayest Mom.” Know that there is no way to be a “perfect” mom, but there are billions of ways to be a “great” one.
My life before having children was full of lazy weekend mornings, exciting travel adventures, time to pursue hobbies, and the luxury of quiet moments in the bathroom. When we decided to have children, my husband and I knew our lives were going to change; after all, we’d watched many friends make the transition to parenthood. What I didn’t expect was how much I would welcome some of these changes and how much I would enjoy pouring my heart and energy into my children.
This new chapter of your life is rich with possibility.
When I became a mom, I began to learn so much more about who I am and who I want to be. Growing and nurturing another life was powerful and transformative for me; I’ve discovered strength and courage I didn’t know I had.
Even something as seemingly simple as breastfeeding changed my outlook. While I didn’t expect nursing to be easy, I hadn’t planned on it being so hard. I had so much pain in the first few months that I just wanted to quit. Fortunately, I found an incredible support group, and they gave me the confidence to keep trying.
As I found my motherhood rhythm, I started looking at the world in a new way. I’ve always been a helper and problem solver, but the life shift of becoming “Mommy” gave me space and perspective to realize that I’m capable of creating something of value for others.
Be patient, kind, and generous—to your child AND to yourself.
This will be tough. Your baby is reliant on you for everything, the most awesome responsibility – and privilege – you could ever experience. There will be moments when you feel you have nothing left to give, moments when you feel you are exactly the type of parent you vowed you would never be, moments when you feel you can’t breathe because you’re so ashamed of how you handled your child’s desperate attempt to fling her snack all over the no-food-allowed play space.
Some days, you won’t do a good job. How about you accept that now? You can’t – and certainly won’t – be perfect, and accepting that can be freeing. May I also recommend breathing through the hard times? Laughing, if possible, at what is surely absurd, if looked at from a different angle? Going out for a walk? Getting your baby into any kind of water (splash pad, water table) – the miracle cure for all baby angst? Because despite the tough moments, there will also be moments when your capacity amazes you, moments when you are exactly the type of parent you vowed you would be – patient, kind, and generous to your baby and yourself.
Remember, you are the personification of love, safety, and security in your child’s life, a radiant epicenter of goodness. You may be your own worst critic at times, but your entry into motherhood has forever changed you, teaching you just how strong you are, how boundless your love. No matter where you are on the parenting journey, you’re the most important person in the world to your baby. Revel in that.
Be you bravely,
Deeanne
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